You wear Pants, don't you?
by Rinata Kuiichi
Summary: I thought one day, "Let's base a Story off an insult!" This is the result. Rated T for some language.


"Well, I think you should be the one to choose what you're going to wear. It is vacation for god's sakes." said Tati, and I sighed

"Yeah, but I still would like Ichigo's opinion. He's the only sensible guy I know that would choose a nice enough suit. Not like that pervert boyfriend of yours." I said, and Tatianna smiled slightly.

"I know, but I still love him." We had gone swim suit shopping for the first vacation on a mission, EVER! Hell, I was surprised that Yamamoto-soutaicho was the one that issued it too...Back to the swim suit issue. I had picked out a few suits that I had liked and I wanted Ichigo's opinion on which one to bring. I actually trusted his opinion more than I did with Tati and Jun. At least he's sane...

"But, he's like, an old man trapped in a hawt teenager, who is your boyfriend! Did you ever notice that?" asked Tatianna, and I mushroomed-sighed.

"No, it's only you Tati-chan." I said, and we walked up into the apartment building. The Soul Reapers that had come in: Toushiro, Ikkaku, Tatianna, Jun, Renji, Matsumoto, and Yumichika, all had taken residence in an apartment building. Of course, I stayed there a lot of the time, and so my dad made arrangements for me to stay up there too. That old geezer...

"Oi, Mika-chan, Ichi-nii is upstairs. He's been wondering where you went when he came home." said Jun, snuggling into Toushiro's side.

"Yeah, 'bout to have a frigging hissy fit." growled Toushiro, snorting a bit.

"He's like that though. Thanks Jun, thanks Hitsugaya." I said and followed Tatianna up the stairs.

"Go get him tiger," laughed Tatianna, and dodged my cell phone that I'd thrown at her head.

"Screw off!" I said, and she slammed the door to her and Renji's room, laughing her you-know-what off. "Stupid..." I trailed off and opened the door to his room.

"Nee-chan/Hime-chan!" yelled Sol and Kon, trying to tackle me. I dodged easily and they flew out the door and I shut it.

"Onee-chan! Let us in, please!" begged Sol and Kon, banging on the door. HELL no!

Ichigo was splayed out on his bed, listening to MY iPod with his eyes closed. I could faintly hear the beat of some random Alternative Rock.

"Wakey-wakey, Ichi-kun..." I whispered and sat down on his stomach.

"Oomph!" he said quietly, and opened one eye. "You're heavy Hime, get off-OW!" I grabbed his ears.

"You've landed on me many times before Strawberry. And never tell a girl she's heavy, cause then we'll go anorexic or something." I said, and pulled his ears again. He pulled away my hands and frowned.

"You go anorexic, and I'll be shoving food down your throat." he growled and pulled me closer to his chest.

'If you can catch her.' said a ghostly voice and I groaned.

"Dammit, Hika, go away." I hissed and she giggled and both she and Hichigo popped out of nowhere. Hichigo sat on Ichigo's desk and Hika on the floor, giggling her head off.

'Sorry Queenie, but we sensed something was about to happen.' said Hichigo, and winked at me.

"Miiiiiiikkaaaaaaaaaa...You show him the suits yet?" drawled out Tatianna, and she and Renji poked their heads into the room.

"What suits?" asked Ichigo, sitting up with me still in his lap.

"Well, I was going to wait until he was in a good mood-" but I was cut off by Hichigo.

'This would only happen if you gave him a blow job.' Hika burst into giggles as both Ichigo and I blushed, looking away from each other.

"Damn Hollow..." murmured Ichigo and the other two gave us a weird look.

"Don't ask," I told them and got up. "But I'll show him now." I picked up my shopping bag and laid out all four of them.

"They were on sale at the store and we just went crazy." said Tatianna and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"That was you, you shop-a-holic." I said, and she waved her hand dismissively.

"Whatever, what do you think, Kurosaki? You like what you see?" she said, and Ichigo gave me a look.

"I-I-"

"Oi, Ichigo, come 'ere a sec." said Renji and pulled Ichigo from the bed and into the corner of the room.

*With Renji and Ichigo*

"What?" asked Ichigo and got a sweat drop at Renji's perverted looking face.

"Get her to wear one of the bikinis, it'll be easier to take off later on..." he whispered, grinning, and his eyes flickered behind them to the girls.

"You pervert." blushed Ichigo slightly, then both felt an evil presence behind them. Both turned around, very slowly.

"I heard that, Abarai." growled Tatianna, and grabbed Renji's ear.

"OWWW!" Screamed Renji, as Tatianna dragged him from the room, muttering about "bad ideas" and "she's like my little sister" and "bastard".

*Ichigo and me*

After a few minutes, we heard a bang.

"Well, don't need to worry 'bout them coming back for a while." I deadpanned, and Ichigo nodded, his face still red. "Get over here if you want to look, Ichigo, jeez..." I said, and he sat on the bed next to me.

Suddenly, Ichigo got a strange look on his face and from the corner of my eye, I saw him look down, at my upper chest.

"What are you looking at you perv?" I hissed and he looked up at me.

"I have a question." I calmed down a bit and picked up one of the suits.

"Shoot." I said, and I heard him swallow.

"Why do you want to wear a bikini anyway? Or a bra for that matter. You have nothing to put in it." he asked and I froze, not looking at him. I could see him smirking in my mind's eye.

'Ain't that the truth.' said Hichigo, and Hika's eye twitched, before looking down at her own chest.

'They aren't that small are they?' asked Hika, and I looked back at Ichigo, smirking widely.

"You wear pants, don't you Kurosaki?" I said with malice, and Hika's and Hichigo's jaws dropped. Soon, both were rolling on the floor, laughing their asses off, and trying to breathe at the same time.

"..." Ichigo was silent, his face turning a bright cherry red.

'Jeez, King, you're going to take that from a woman? Your _Queen _no less.' said Hichigo, sitting up.

'You got something against women, Hichigo Shirosaki?' said Hika, getting an irk mark.

The albino image of Ichigo gulped, and got a sweat drop. 'Bye!' he said quickly, and disappeared into Ichigo's mind in an instant.

'Yeah, laters Hime-sama.' said Hika and also disappeared.

After 3 minutes of silence, I began to snicker. "Cat got your tongue, Kurosaki?" I giggled, and then was suddenly pushed down onto the bed.

Ichigo smirked down at me, straddling my waist. I glared up at him, and he pushed my arms to either side of my head.

"Not a cat, Hime-chan." he whispered, grinding himself into my lower half. I moaned loudly, and then blushed, looking away from his beautiful brown eyes. "Showing you why I wear pants would be better than telling you why, right Hime-chan?" he purred, and kissed me harshly. His tongue entered my mouth, re-exploring known territory.

"W-wait, I-I was just-" I pulled away from his warm lips, but was pulled back as a cold hand snaked up my shirt. It traced patterns across the skin, and I shuddered. Biting back another moan, I pulled away and shut my eyes. His tongue traced down my neck and kissed my neck.

I tangled my hands into his hair and he grinded into my lower half softer this time.

"Ichi-go..." I ground out, and then we heard a throat clear.

"Ichigo Kurosaki, I'm going to kill you." hissed Tatianna, going into Soul Reaper form and pulled out her zanpacto.

"Run Ichigo!" yelled Renji, and the Substitute jumped up and out of the window.

"Get back here you bastard!" screamed Tatianna, following him in pursuit.


End file.
